“If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right." - Jerry Seinfeld
This is from one of my favorite Seinfeld episodes. Jerry convinces George Costanza to do the opposite of what he normally does since George feels that everything he has ever done has been wrong and that his life is the exact opposite now of what it should be. Of course, after George makes this new approach a habit, wonderful things start happening in his life.
Sometimes we might all feel like George once in a while in that nothing seems to go our way. While I think Jerry and George were onto something with their "opposite" strategy, it probably is not very sensible outside of the world of sitcoms. However, while opposition doing may not work in reality, opposition thinking does.
Opposition thinking is a tool to help individuals develop a more positive, optimistic mindset. It works like this; every time you have a negative thought, consciously make a decision to change it to a positive thought. Why? Negative thoughts produce negative outcomes. Have you ever heard of the law of attraction? If not, read a book called "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne. Have you ever tried to drive a car straight ahead while looking sideways? Trust me, I have and it's very difficult. You get what you focus on. Focus on the road ahead while you are driving, and most likely you will safely arrive at your destination. Focus on learning to play a musical instrument and soon you will be making music. Focus on positive thinking, and soon you will feel positive, optimistic, confident, strong and courageous. Let negative thoughts occupy your consciousness and you will surely go in the opposite direction in life relative to those who have a positive mindset.
Here's a personal example. I have been unemployed for over three months now. My severance just ran out and I still have no solid prospects for a new career. The national economy is in the toilet and I live in the Portland Maine area, a small city with limited career opportunities. And I do not want to relocate. A negative thought that has tried to occupy my mind on more than one occasion is; "This sucks. I'm now starting to have to use my hard earned savings in order to just pay the bills. I can't go out to dinner any more. I can't afford to send my kid to that great boarding soccer camp program that she has been so looking forward to. Blay, blah, blah..." Instead of indulging that kind of thinking (which I hope you recognize as very unproductive), I stop myself and change my thoughts to something like this; "I know that this is just a temporary situation and that something very good is going to come from it. I really feel I will find an opportunity eventually to do something that will be challenging and rewarding in ways that my previous career may not have been able to offord me. I am so greatful that I have supportive friends and a wonderful family." Carrying around positive thoughts like the one above manifests itself into how you present yourself to others and how others perceive you. Would you rather hire the guys walking around saying "this sucks" or the guy saying "I am so greatful"?
"I am a positive, optimistic person. Every time a negative thought enters my consciousness, I exchange that thought for a positive thought." Make this a daily affirmation and you will experience a tremendous shift in your personal power and level of wellness that will transform your life.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Love
"Him that I love, I wish to be free -- even from me." - Anne Morrow Lindbergh
I really enjoy that quote. It sounds like an oxymoron but in reality it is not. You see, the most gracious form of love is without encumbrances to others. It does not require that someone or something belong to you. Love is a selfless feeling of compassion and caring. Or as Webster defines it: love is an unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another. So when Anne wishes her love to be free, including being free from her, she is saying that her love transcends her desire for this man to be "hers", to be duty bound to her wishes, her desires and her beliefs. She loves him unconditionally. And that is what unconditional love means - to allow your love to be free.
Some people confuse lust, passion, desire, etc. for love. They are not love, although love can be in the midst of those feelings. Love is an unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another.
I really enjoy that quote. It sounds like an oxymoron but in reality it is not. You see, the most gracious form of love is without encumbrances to others. It does not require that someone or something belong to you. Love is a selfless feeling of compassion and caring. Or as Webster defines it: love is an unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another. So when Anne wishes her love to be free, including being free from her, she is saying that her love transcends her desire for this man to be "hers", to be duty bound to her wishes, her desires and her beliefs. She loves him unconditionally. And that is what unconditional love means - to allow your love to be free.
Some people confuse lust, passion, desire, etc. for love. They are not love, although love can be in the midst of those feelings. Love is an unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Finding the Right Work/Job/Career - Presently
I was laid off from my employer back in December - and I was happy! After almost 10 years with the same software company doing the same job running the customer support department, I was ready for a change. And the best part was, I would be getting paid my full salary for 4 months while I started looking for my new, exciting next career - something big, bold, true to me and my passions!
Well, it's mid March and I have about two weeks left of severance, and no good job prospects in site. The economy is pretty lousy right now and I live in the small market area of Portland Maine - and my family does not want to move. So I guess I have to just settle for whatever I can find now that I hope at a minimum, covers our minimum living expenses. I guess then that it's not looking so good right now for my new, exciting next career. This is a pretty bad situation, isn't it? I mean, I am 44 years old and have been trying to climb corporate ladders for the last 20 of them - and all I have to show for it is the possibility of taking some job that has half the responsibility, probably pays half the salary, and probably is half as exciting as my last job. What a blow to the ego. What will my friends say? How shameful, right? No, not at all.
Here's where I get to practice what I've spent my adult years trying to master: being present. I am surrendering to what is in the moment, which means a) I won't be reliving the past and thinking about what I should have, could have done until now that may have led to a different outcome, b) I won't be daydreaming about what it would be like to be wealthy, have a nicer home, newer cars, a bigger sailboat, etc. c) I won't be beating myself up for not being good enough, or for not being as good as my neighbor, my brother, or that "successful" person in the news. While I don't like to talk in the negative (I won't, I don't, I can't, etc.), I wanted to point out what the opposite of being present is. So writing in the affirmative, what does it mean to be fully present and how will being present help me in my current situation?
I am. I surrender to being. I am one with all that is. I am free of my mind driven ego. I am living a purposeful life to help spread love and peace in this world. I consciously define goals and then take action in the moment toward the achievement of those goals. I always do my best (which may differ from day to day depending on energy levels, health or other uncontrollable influences). Being present means all of these things and more. It means taking a moment to smell the flowers while you are walking down a sidewalk. It means looking at everything around you with wonder and awe because we cannot possibly know everything about a person, or an animal, or a plant, or even a stone or a building or a bridge. It means stopping your brain from constantly thinking about the little things and circumstances in life like "why is my boss such a jerk" or "how am I going to ever afford a car like that guy's car" or "I wish I had thicker hair like that person". To answer the second part of my question at the end of the previous paragraph, being present helps me in my current career situation because it allows me to use my energy, my intelligence, my personal power and focus them on achieving my goals. If I am not present, I am using a ton of energy on stuff that does not help me get any closer to finding my next job or my next career. It is that simple. Plus, there is joy in being present. There is suffering in a lack of presence. Simple to understand, yes. Sometimes not simple to implement. I'm going to save implementation strategies for another discussion.
Well, it's mid March and I have about two weeks left of severance, and no good job prospects in site. The economy is pretty lousy right now and I live in the small market area of Portland Maine - and my family does not want to move. So I guess I have to just settle for whatever I can find now that I hope at a minimum, covers our minimum living expenses. I guess then that it's not looking so good right now for my new, exciting next career. This is a pretty bad situation, isn't it? I mean, I am 44 years old and have been trying to climb corporate ladders for the last 20 of them - and all I have to show for it is the possibility of taking some job that has half the responsibility, probably pays half the salary, and probably is half as exciting as my last job. What a blow to the ego. What will my friends say? How shameful, right? No, not at all.
Here's where I get to practice what I've spent my adult years trying to master: being present. I am surrendering to what is in the moment, which means a) I won't be reliving the past and thinking about what I should have, could have done until now that may have led to a different outcome, b) I won't be daydreaming about what it would be like to be wealthy, have a nicer home, newer cars, a bigger sailboat, etc. c) I won't be beating myself up for not being good enough, or for not being as good as my neighbor, my brother, or that "successful" person in the news. While I don't like to talk in the negative (I won't, I don't, I can't, etc.), I wanted to point out what the opposite of being present is. So writing in the affirmative, what does it mean to be fully present and how will being present help me in my current situation?
I am. I surrender to being. I am one with all that is. I am free of my mind driven ego. I am living a purposeful life to help spread love and peace in this world. I consciously define goals and then take action in the moment toward the achievement of those goals. I always do my best (which may differ from day to day depending on energy levels, health or other uncontrollable influences). Being present means all of these things and more. It means taking a moment to smell the flowers while you are walking down a sidewalk. It means looking at everything around you with wonder and awe because we cannot possibly know everything about a person, or an animal, or a plant, or even a stone or a building or a bridge. It means stopping your brain from constantly thinking about the little things and circumstances in life like "why is my boss such a jerk" or "how am I going to ever afford a car like that guy's car" or "I wish I had thicker hair like that person". To answer the second part of my question at the end of the previous paragraph, being present helps me in my current career situation because it allows me to use my energy, my intelligence, my personal power and focus them on achieving my goals. If I am not present, I am using a ton of energy on stuff that does not help me get any closer to finding my next job or my next career. It is that simple. Plus, there is joy in being present. There is suffering in a lack of presence. Simple to understand, yes. Sometimes not simple to implement. I'm going to save implementation strategies for another discussion.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Effective Goals
“I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.” - James Dean
Goals are an essential part of living. Whether we realize it or not, most of us have some level of goals. For example, anyone who has had a job at some point set a goal (maybe a thought goal vs a written goal). They at the very minimum would have had to think to themselves "okay, I need to make some money to pay the bills required to live independently, so I better get a job." They probably even took it a step further to think "and if I'm going to get a job, what kind of a job do I want? Maybe I want a job in an office instead of one that requires me to work outdoors." Another example of a goal that most people have at some point is to find a significant other to spend their lives with. Maybe once they've found that person, they set a goal to have kids. Or maybe kids were not their goal but fun was, so they ended up with kids anyway (if you know what I mean).
Most of us set some level of goals throughout the course of our lives. What I'd like to talk about now however is a different level of goal setting. If you want to squeeze all the joy you can out of life by taking on purposeful challenges to live life to its fullest, you will want to have more thoughtful, empowering and inspiring goals.
How To Build Powerful Goals
There are several areas of life that most people consider when goal setting. These areas may include family/relationships, career, money, adventure, material things (homes, cars, boats, etc), health and others. I highly recommend categorizing your goals in this manner; it helps ensure you are consciously living all areas of your life in a way that supports your purpose. Regardless of how you organize your goals, what I want to focus on now is how to make sure your goals have teeth!
First, you need to clearly define your goal. For example, you may have an adventure goal stated as such: "I will sail my 30 foot sailboat with my brother John from Boston, MA to Dublin, Ireland before I'm 60 years old." Notice I've put a time frame in to give this goal more weight. I could be more precise if I wanted to and add a number of days that I want to complete the trip in. While defining your goal is an obvious first step, it is of course the most critical step.
Second, you should have some idea of how you are going to complete this goal, though you should not expect to know all of the details, or even most of the details. The important part of the how is to outline at least some of the basic next steps to start moving toward your goal. Using the example above, one of the hows might include the purchase of a 30 foot sailboat (maybe until now, you've only owned a 19 foot day sailer) by age 50. Other hows might include taking a celestial navigation course, taking some shorter overnight trips in advance, reading a book about other captains who have performed similar journeys, etc.
Finally, you need to be very clear as to why you want to achieve this goal. Most people fail to achieve their goals because in the end, they do not have a big enough why-is-this-goal-important. Again, using the example goal above, I want to demonstrate a weak why and a strong why. Weak why: "I think it would be fun". Strong why: "I want to do this for my brother John who I love so dearly and who, since losing his eyesight, has not been able to do what he loves most, captain his sailboat. Sailing across the Atlantic with John would be an incredible experience, and a celebration of the close relationship we've had for all of these years. In addition, it would be a great example to set for my grown children (and their children), who should always remember that strong family and close relationships are the most valuable things in life."
So remember these three steps to setting powerful goals: Define the what/when, how and why. Once you've defined your goals, review them often. I like to review my goals once a month. And if sometimes the winds of circumstance change, I'll adjust my goals and reset my course. Most importantly, remember to enjoy the ride each day. Goals are not the means to happiness, fulfillment and joy. Being present to the wonder of life each day is how you find joy. Goals simply give us purposeful paths to follow so that we can fully experience the joy of living.
Goals are an essential part of living. Whether we realize it or not, most of us have some level of goals. For example, anyone who has had a job at some point set a goal (maybe a thought goal vs a written goal). They at the very minimum would have had to think to themselves "okay, I need to make some money to pay the bills required to live independently, so I better get a job." They probably even took it a step further to think "and if I'm going to get a job, what kind of a job do I want? Maybe I want a job in an office instead of one that requires me to work outdoors." Another example of a goal that most people have at some point is to find a significant other to spend their lives with. Maybe once they've found that person, they set a goal to have kids. Or maybe kids were not their goal but fun was, so they ended up with kids anyway (if you know what I mean).
Most of us set some level of goals throughout the course of our lives. What I'd like to talk about now however is a different level of goal setting. If you want to squeeze all the joy you can out of life by taking on purposeful challenges to live life to its fullest, you will want to have more thoughtful, empowering and inspiring goals.
How To Build Powerful Goals
There are several areas of life that most people consider when goal setting. These areas may include family/relationships, career, money, adventure, material things (homes, cars, boats, etc), health and others. I highly recommend categorizing your goals in this manner; it helps ensure you are consciously living all areas of your life in a way that supports your purpose. Regardless of how you organize your goals, what I want to focus on now is how to make sure your goals have teeth!
First, you need to clearly define your goal. For example, you may have an adventure goal stated as such: "I will sail my 30 foot sailboat with my brother John from Boston, MA to Dublin, Ireland before I'm 60 years old." Notice I've put a time frame in to give this goal more weight. I could be more precise if I wanted to and add a number of days that I want to complete the trip in. While defining your goal is an obvious first step, it is of course the most critical step.
Second, you should have some idea of how you are going to complete this goal, though you should not expect to know all of the details, or even most of the details. The important part of the how is to outline at least some of the basic next steps to start moving toward your goal. Using the example above, one of the hows might include the purchase of a 30 foot sailboat (maybe until now, you've only owned a 19 foot day sailer) by age 50. Other hows might include taking a celestial navigation course, taking some shorter overnight trips in advance, reading a book about other captains who have performed similar journeys, etc.
Finally, you need to be very clear as to why you want to achieve this goal. Most people fail to achieve their goals because in the end, they do not have a big enough why-is-this-goal-important. Again, using the example goal above, I want to demonstrate a weak why and a strong why. Weak why: "I think it would be fun". Strong why: "I want to do this for my brother John who I love so dearly and who, since losing his eyesight, has not been able to do what he loves most, captain his sailboat. Sailing across the Atlantic with John would be an incredible experience, and a celebration of the close relationship we've had for all of these years. In addition, it would be a great example to set for my grown children (and their children), who should always remember that strong family and close relationships are the most valuable things in life."
So remember these three steps to setting powerful goals: Define the what/when, how and why. Once you've defined your goals, review them often. I like to review my goals once a month. And if sometimes the winds of circumstance change, I'll adjust my goals and reset my course. Most importantly, remember to enjoy the ride each day. Goals are not the means to happiness, fulfillment and joy. Being present to the wonder of life each day is how you find joy. Goals simply give us purposeful paths to follow so that we can fully experience the joy of living.
Monday, January 26, 2009
The Meaning of Life
The question for all times is this: What is the meaning of life?
Here's the answer: The meaning of life is that life has no meaning, and that it is meaningless that life has no meaning.
Satisfied? I don't blame you if you are about to ditch this post. But before you do, consider this:
Just because "life" has no meaning, does not mean that you cannot have a meaningful life. Meaning, it turns out, is in the eye of the beholder. That's right, you get to create meaning. Unfortunately, that means for us procrastinators (and I'm a big one), nobody is going to show up and hand you your life's meaning or purpose. What's great about that though is that you get to decide. What if instead of having the opportunity to make your own meaning, someone did actually hand it to you - and you did not like it? Then what? Not so terrific, right? So remember, YOU are the master of the meaning of your life!
What, you may ask, is the meaning of your life Mr Scott Hardy? Great question, but in order to fully answer it, I need to first tell you what my purpose in life is.
"My purpose in life is to act as a positive force for love and peace in this world - so that we all may experience joy. I do this by pursuing the possibility I've invented for myself and my life; that is the possibility of being present, generous and optimistic - while at the same time being self expressive, kind and free."
Out of my purpose comes meaning - to me.
Simply stated, "the meaning of my life is to add more love and peace to our world." It is to try to execute on my purpose every day.
Notice that I don't universalize my meaning by applying it to everyone else. In other words, I am careful not to say (and think) "The meaning of life is to add more love and peace to our world." In that definition, the word "my" is missing before "life". If I forget to put the "my" in there, then nobody else gets to create their own meaning. And that can lead to all kinds of headaches for you and others.
Once you have your purpose and/or meaning in life defined, then the fun really starts. That's when you get to take purpose driven action. You get to define your goals (relationship goals, financial goals, career goals, adventure goals, etc). You get to live every day in service of your purpose, and with that, you will surely live a most meaningful life.
Peace - Scott
Here's the answer: The meaning of life is that life has no meaning, and that it is meaningless that life has no meaning.
Satisfied? I don't blame you if you are about to ditch this post. But before you do, consider this:
Just because "life" has no meaning, does not mean that you cannot have a meaningful life. Meaning, it turns out, is in the eye of the beholder. That's right, you get to create meaning. Unfortunately, that means for us procrastinators (and I'm a big one), nobody is going to show up and hand you your life's meaning or purpose. What's great about that though is that you get to decide. What if instead of having the opportunity to make your own meaning, someone did actually hand it to you - and you did not like it? Then what? Not so terrific, right? So remember, YOU are the master of the meaning of your life!
What, you may ask, is the meaning of your life Mr Scott Hardy? Great question, but in order to fully answer it, I need to first tell you what my purpose in life is.
"My purpose in life is to act as a positive force for love and peace in this world - so that we all may experience joy. I do this by pursuing the possibility I've invented for myself and my life; that is the possibility of being present, generous and optimistic - while at the same time being self expressive, kind and free."
Out of my purpose comes meaning - to me.
Simply stated, "the meaning of my life is to add more love and peace to our world." It is to try to execute on my purpose every day.
Notice that I don't universalize my meaning by applying it to everyone else. In other words, I am careful not to say (and think) "The meaning of life is to add more love and peace to our world." In that definition, the word "my" is missing before "life". If I forget to put the "my" in there, then nobody else gets to create their own meaning. And that can lead to all kinds of headaches for you and others.
Once you have your purpose and/or meaning in life defined, then the fun really starts. That's when you get to take purpose driven action. You get to define your goals (relationship goals, financial goals, career goals, adventure goals, etc). You get to live every day in service of your purpose, and with that, you will surely live a most meaningful life.
Peace - Scott
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